24 True Things that couldn’t be Truer...

1. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
2. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
3. Bad decisions make good stories.
4. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
6. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again
8. Was learning cursive really necessary?
9. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
10. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
11. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a *ss from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
12. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
13. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
14. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
15. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
16. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
17. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
18. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
19. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
20. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
21. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
22. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
23. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
24. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Brian